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Archive for February, 2014

“People with goals succeed because they know where they are going…It’s as simple as that.”

~Earl Nightingale

 

So, where am I going? Where do I want to go?

First? I have to pray my Maghrib (evening prayer, the 4th of 5 daily prayers for those who submit themselves to their creator, wherein the creator blesses them, forgives them, rewards them, and yes, listens to and answer them too mashaAllahJ. How lovely to be a Muslim, a submitter to my creator). Afterwards inshallah, I can think about where I’m going. Maybe, if I ask really nicely to Allah, He will help me decide on some worthy goals, write them down, and see about accomplishing them, a little bit, everyday inshallah.

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Bismillah

I received this questionnaire from a sister I very much respect and make dua for, and it really made me think about a few things. I thought it would be beneficial to myself, to have a record of what my answers were in January 2014, with a plan to revisit the same questions a year later, to see if things have improved or not. Especially since I’m now actively working to change my very bad ways.

 

Q: Would you say that you have a vision for your dunya life and akhirah life?

 

A:  Yes

 

Q:  If yes, would you say you are working towards that vision?

 

A:  I’m trying but I keep getting derailed, by both circumstances and plain old laziness

 

Q: If no, would you find it beneficial to discover your vision in life?

 

A:  Though it is not a ‘no’, I could use some help in fleshing out my vision in terms of planning smaller goals with build in motivational help that is self generated/self renewing…

 

Q: Would you say you are using your skills and qualifications to their full potential or are they on the shelf gathering dust?

 

A: Definitely gathering dust, big time

 

Q: If gathering dust, why do you think this is so?

 

A:  Partly circumstances for sure but I think I just lack the motivation to move myself or to be creative about how to overcome some of those circumstances

 

Q:  Since becoming a student, wife, mother, employee– do you feel there is enough time in life to achieve your dreams or a lack of it?

 

A:  A mother… not enough time… wait, there is time but there is a huge lack of planning on my part and being a mother of littles, too many interruptions and outside derailments from the children department. At a moment’s notice I’m supposed to be able to break up fights, mop up a spill, change a diaper, wash a bum, provide a nutritious meal, take a temperature, change a wet/soiled outfit, answer a 10 part ‘why’ question, etc… Such happenstances are too numerous sometimes to follow a plan successful, no matter how well laid.

 

Q:  If yes, what do you believe are the reasons for a lack of time?

A:  Partly as stated on answer to 3, partly because I’m so frazzled at any given moment due to #3 mostly and lack of sleep that my goals become some alone time to just veg or a quick nap snuck in between one catastrophe and another.

 

Q: What in your opinion are the main distractions for Muslim women – preventing them from realizing their goals and dreams in life?

A: Well, when I had it at home, the internet was my biggest distraction and I didn’t have Facebook/twitter or any other social media to tend to! Sleep is also a big distraction for me as I’m constantly craving it. I suppose socializing over much and wishing to attend halaqas can be a big time consumer if the opportunities were available to me (shall I thank Allah I don’t have any?). Also the singular focus on furthering the goals of the family that most women have, usually to the exclusion of the Muslimah herself.

Q:  Do you have ideas that you would like to turn into realities but find it difficult to do so?

A:  Yes, very much so. I want to turn my blog into a resource for Muslimahs, focusing on building/encouraging successful and happy marriages, examining and finding ways to deal with issues that crop up concerning marriage, and inspiring even the sisters who feel ready to give up on their marriage, their man, even themselves into turning things around… I have plenty of ideas and my motivation is high but somehow or another, I’m not realizing my vision… very frustrating Subhanallah

Q: What do you believe are the reasons for this?

A:  Circumstances (recently made hijra, small kids), and lack of motivation (quick rewards, lack of appreciation, fear of failure, etc)

Q:  Think of an idea, dream or goal you have always wanted to achieve in your life but haven’t been able to do so. How would you feel if this actually became a reality? What difference would it make to your Dunya and Akhirah?

A:  I’ve always wanted to memorize the whole Quran. I’ve started and stopped so many times. I know it would be beneficial both for my Dunia and my Akhira inshallah. I would feel STUPENDOUS if I accomplished even half of this amazing goal Subhanallah. I also really have always wanted to help the women of my community, to help strengthen and inspire them and help them gain confidence. And since I’ve been married and been blessed with children, I’ve really wanted to help beautify marriage for all Muslimahs and help women like create strong bonds of marriage and family with their spouses for the purpose of strengthening the community/society because I believe that everything flows forward from a strong and happy union of marriage inshallah. I believe this goal will also make good for me fi Dunia wal Akhira and I’d feel amazing if I could accomplish only a fraction of what I see in my head inshallah.

Q:  How interested would you be in receiving help and guidance to turn your ideas, goals or dreams into actual realities?

A:  VERY!

 

Q:  If the above help was available to you, what would that guidance/help include? (Eg confidence building, brainstorming, planning). Please be as detailed as possible.

A:  FOR ME, I think having tools at hand for when life doesn’t go as planned and for when I’m becoming my own derailer and worst enemy. I believe I can overcome many obstacles but I’m my worst and strongest obstacle and if I could find a way to fight that, then I think I’ll get very far inshallah in implementing my dreams/visions.

Q:  What do you believe are the problems with current organizations or individuals who provide life coaching/personal development type courses/services?

A:  For me, inaccessibility due to location and lack of internet. I also think that the cost can be prohibitive, especially in my case where I think I’d be better off with one to one sessions but can’t afford those for sure. I also think that many orgs that exist today aren’t geared for the Muslimah who is a wife and mother and who places these two roles above and beyond. Many Muslimahs like me cant/don’t place themselves first or second. Their families come first and many of these organizations are not programmed to deal with that aspect, not as part of the problem but as part of the solution

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Dua for Daily Tasks

Bismillah 

Ya Allah

ArRahmani Rahim

Al MalikulQudus

Al AzizulHakim

InalHamdulillah, wa Nahmaduk, waNastainuk, waNastaghfiruk

waNashukrik that You have awakened us to another day, may You fill it with Nur and Help us to know and do righteous things to make this day benefit our Akhirah.

Our days are Yours, please help us to spend them from You

Our days are few, please help us to spend them with care

There are dark days behind us, please forgive our sinfulness in them

There may be dark days ahead of us, please strengthen us for the trials to come

Ya Allah, as we go about our daily work, please help us to take pleasure in the tasks therein and to rejoice that we have so many gifts

Ya Allah, show us clearly our duties and help us to complete them and to fulfill our obligations, while remaining faithful, thankful and praising Your Glory, Mercy, Generosity, and Providence

Ya Allah, help us so all we do is done well, giving Glory to Your Majesty

Ya Allah, give us strength to do, patience to bear, and help us so our courage never fails

Ya Allah, if we are unable to love our work for the day, help us to remember it is from You and will Please You and with the right intentions, it will bring us closer to You

Ya Allah, help us to remember that all tasks in our day are Your tasks for us and we should be strengthened and repurposed in doing them because of our love and submission to You

Ya Allah, help us to love our work and if cant, then help us to remember that we love You and submit to You and do our tasks to earn Your Pleasure

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How to Remain a Good Wife When You are Angry with Your Husband

Ok so this is a struggle of mine sometimes (thank Allah it is not always!! Alhamdulillah, Mercy!!). Sometimes I get angry at dearest husband and when I follow that thought, I end up wanting to punish him of courseJ LOL. I start cataloging all his faults, even the tinsy insignificant ones suddenly take on mammoth proportions (its comical to me now but so very true). When I’m so angry, all my thoughts and all I want to do at that moment is to be bad, to let out my fury, to tell him off, to reduce him somehow. But I know this is bad (thank You Allah for THAT presence of mind!).

So, how do I maintain the goodly wife effort when I’m livid? Especially when I’m right? Well, now that I’m sitting calmly and can think beyond the boiling fury (stoked by the Shaytan?), the hadith of the best one (in a confrontation) is the one who can let go of his anger, especially when he is right (paraphrase). Then the hadith of when you are angry you should sit/lie down and make wudhu (again paraphrase). These are good hadith (if only I can remember them while I’m in the moment!).

With a bit more thinking, I should remember that this is the man Allah chose for me and that means he must be the best for me, so I should not get sidetracked with anger just because he is imperfect. After all, I’m not perfect either, far from it, both inside and out subhanallah. He is first and foremost, human, not a creation of my imagination/illusions and hopes. I married a real man, not the image I made up of what one should be like.

I should also remember as many of his good points as I can, especially in that moment when I’m just so angry. He is kind and helpful. He does many things for me to help ease my many burdens. He forgives me easily. He overlooks most (probably all) of my failings and short comings. He listens to me patiently, even if I’m just ranting, even when it is against him! He puts my needs above his, if not always, then mostly and usually for sure. He loves me (I still don’t understand this part as I’m a pretty hard person to love, being a perfectionist!).

Conversely, I should remember my many faults and failings when it comes to my interaction with him, from burnt dinners that he ate with a smile, a compliment, and a loving heart. To the forgiveness he has showed for past misdeeds and direct wrongs dealt to his person. I should remember we are in this marriage to help each other and elevate each other into better persons, not to hurt each other. I’m his port of peace and oasis all rolled into one, not the pit of hellfire to burn him for his mistakes!

And finally, I have to remember Allah in my moment of anger, of His Forgiveness and Mercy, and how much I want those directed to me, and one way to accomplish that is to direct the same to His Creation (my DH in this case).

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Vision for My Home

 Vision:

I want to be a super Muslimah mom and wife! LolJ Ok, so what does that mean? It means I want to always look to the practice of my Deen and increase, beautify, perfect & purify it. Alhamdulillah there are many ways for me to do this and Allah has blessed me with three hard but fulfilling duties that I can use right now, daughterhood, wifehood, and motherhood.

I want to glorify and praise Him with all that is within me, so much that all who know or come into contact with me will remember Him and learn of Him too inshallah. Recently, I received the best news a daughter like me can get, and that was my father has completed his efforts to learn all of His faraidh Salaat and is practicing them (to his best ability) mashaAllah!!

As all Muslims know, what stands between us and ‘them’ is leaving the salaat. Salaat is the first thing a Muslim must implement after the Shahadatain, and it’s the first thing we are questioned about on Yawmul Qiyamah. It brings me amazing and sincere happiness when any Muslim who has left his salaat or never implemented it, begins to do so mashaAllah, and the fact that it’s my father makes it absolutely stupendous! Allahu Akbar!!

It was such amazing news because I’ve spent the past several years trying to encourage just this effort and behavior without much success (seemingly). Yet, when I had essentially given up and walked away, suddenly exactly what I had prayed for has come to pass. Allahu Musta’an.

This news has invigorated me like nothing has in recent memory. I’m feeling so hopeful that with effort  and dedication, along with sincere intention, I can affect positive and beneficial change in my world.

Islam is a lifestyle. You can live it deeply, lightly or not at all, and obviously each choice will have consequences fiDunia wal Akhirah. There is no aspect of living that cannot be enriched by living it Islamically, submitting to Allah’s will and chasing His Pleasure.

I want to immerse myself in chasing Allah’s Pleasure, implementing His Will in my life and living, and choosing Him every day, by choosing to walk on the Straight Path, following the Way of Muhammad (salallahu alayhe wasalaam), and eschewing evil in all its aspects.

I want to direct my efforts to placing my husband as my head and my children within my bosom, while the rest of me strives to make my husband feel appreciated and supported fully (as an indication of my love and cherishing of him) and my children protected and nurtured in the name of Allah and raised upon truth and righteousness, so they may bring Glory to Allah and the beautiful Way of Islam inshallah.

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