To my sisters about to marry…
I’ll have you know that before considering stepping foot into your husband’s abode, that your parents raised you for a number of years. Raising someone entails years of toil and sacrifice that cannot be summarized upon these pages. You have lived with them and must know their regard and effort upon you…
When you do marry, remember the following regarding your in-law family, especially the one that you don’t end up feeling good about…
- They worked hard to be parents and siblings of your husband, therefore, acknowledge and respect them, even if you cannot love them. Show mercy, forgive, forbear, and look to the good that is present, even if you have to search high and low for it. Do your best for them because they belong to your husband, and your husband belongs to you. What is ours we must take care of, in order for it to bring benefit to us and it is a form of worship to the one who created us. Caring for you in-laws in caring for your husband and honoring him and respecting him and loving him.
- Respect yourself in front of them and be steadfast. You are someone’s daughter, and your husband chose you for his life partner. There is no need to lower yourself or make excuses or become a doormat. Stand tall like the tree but be flexible so the wind merely sways your leaves without breaking your trunk nor uprooting you. There is no need to bring shame to your family nor to allow others to disregard your family, no matter where you hail from. Just because you married into the family, does not mean you or your family are worth less or have less standing (nor is it the opposite of that). You are the means to bring forth the next generation of your in-law’s family, the children you will bear. You are also the crown that their princely son has chosen to wear, their new honor. You must not disdain yourself but elevate yourself. A married woman is worth more than can be counted, therefore, always hold yourself up to high standards. When you become a queen and realize your position and act accordingly, the world can do no less than respond accordingly. Before marriage, you are a princess, once you marry, you become a queen… a weak queen causes the kingdom to fail, especially if her husband is an equally weak king… learn chess:)
- Serve your husband generously, kindly, lovingly. He is your bread and butter, in this dunia and in the akhirah. Do not be stingy, do let him stand tall, give him honor and let him be the branches of your tree while you are the roots of his. A tree needs both roots and leaves. Without either, the tree perishes. Yet a small reminder I will whisper to you, strong roots will cause a tree that has been plucked of all of its branches and leaves, to continue to live and even thrive again. But a tree without roots will die out soon enough…. Consider well and act accordingly biidhniAllah. Remember that are you the door step and the gate keeper of your home. You are what people see first when they come to visit your home. Do not bring shame to your house and home, no lower the doorstep such that any riffraff can enter. Remember what advice Ibrahim alayhi salaam gave to Ismail alayhi salaam about his doorsteps. Don’t get replaced:)
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