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Ya Bunay!

Whenever you are about to commit a sin, a sensation like a someone is scratching your heart will appear in your heart. If you ignore this sensation, a wound will appear on your heart and the wound will scab over then after some time, it will scar.

The process will continue to repeat every time an opportunity for sin comes around and a new chance to not scar the heart or to scar the heart. Each time you go ahead with the sin/wrong, a new wound will form, then a scar will occur when you don’t repent.  The wound and scar will be commensurate with the size and type of sin/wrong you did. The bigger and more obvious the sins will give you bigger wounds that will lead to larger scars once left un-repented (IE: untreated). The smaller and less obvious sins will give you smaller wounds and subsequently, smaller scars, once left un-repented. But each wrong you pursue, while knowing it is wrong, will leave a wound upon your heart and each day you don’t repent from that wrong/sin, the thicker the scar will grow.

Over the years and decades of you doing sins and committing wrong actions, a few things will happen:

  1. The space left for you to experience the scratching sensation will grow smaller, hence your ability to sense the wounding and immediately act to rectify the problem and avoid the wound from scarring over will also diminish.
  2. The scar on your heart will get thicker and pile upon each other, reducing your ability to sense new wounds or feel any kind of sensations, leading to you being confused about whether to pursue an action or not, because there is no clear sensation. This will cause you to rely on external cues, but those can easily be falsified by those intending you ill, those who don’t care about you, etc….
  3. The heart will become harder as the scars grow thicker, until it reaches a consistency of a rock or even harder. By then your ability to distinguish right and wrong is completely gone and you just follow momentary whims and desires or external stimuli, not sure of who you are or where you are going….

Allowing your heart to be wounded because of a momentary lapse in judgement can still be corrected, by rectifying the wrong, making reparations, further avoiding and turning away from the wrong/sin, etc.

All of us should be most wary of having a hard heart, a scarred heart, a heart covered in up until it becomes unfeeling… This is the path to ruin, to unfulfilment, and to a deep dissatisfaction with life and living in general.

I urge you to please mind those sensations in you feel in your heart, they are a little bit like a tickle or a child’s palm brushing over your face, or a light brush of blunt fingernails upon the back of your hand…. Pay attention to how the heart speaks and act accordingly to avoid hardening your heart, for therein lies the path to destruction for you and any who follow you.

I wish (pray for you) you true success and a strong will. Ameen

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Even though it was good for a female to have beauty, being too beautiful was not a good thing.

Being beautiful, as in having looks that are exceptionally appealing to look at, can be a huge burden.

For the self, it can cause one to have pride, as if its something they’ve worked to create and are now proud to show off. It can make one have unnecessary expectations of others and how they deal with the self. Expecting guys to be awed, expecting women to bow out of competition, expecting the self to be cherished, admired, and put on a pedestal because of the beauty… If you are very beautiful, it is best if you cultivate humbleness, less your beauty fade one day and you find yourself alone and very bitter

For others looking at you, it can cause jealousy and envy, which can lead to others causing you all kinds of problems, plotting against you, and other shenanigans.

Good looks are nice mashaAllah, a true blessing alhamdulillah, but know that it is ephemeral and shall soon pass, if you live long enough. Therefore, cultivate yourself so the true you shines through and remains steadfast.

 

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To my sisters about to marry…

I’ll have you know that before considering stepping foot into your husband’s abode, that your parents raised you for a number of years. Raising someone entails years of toil and sacrifice that cannot be summarized upon these pages. You have lived with them and must know their regard and effort upon you…

When you do marry, remember the following regarding your in-law family, especially the one that you don’t end up feeling good about…

  1. They worked hard to be parents and siblings of your husband, therefore, acknowledge and respect them, even if you cannot love them. Show mercy, forgive, forbear, and look to the good that is present, even if you have to search high and low for it. Do your best for them because they belong to your husband, and your husband belongs to you. What is ours we must take care of, in order for it to bring benefit to us and it is a form of worship to the one who created us. Caring for you in-laws in caring for your husband and honoring him and respecting him and loving him.
  2. Respect yourself in front of them and be steadfast. You are someone’s daughter, and your husband chose you for his life partner. There is no need to lower yourself or make excuses or become a doormat. Stand tall like the tree but be flexible so the wind merely sways your leaves without breaking your trunk nor uprooting you. There is no need to bring shame to your family nor to allow others to disregard your family, no matter where you hail from. Just because you married into the family, does not mean you or your family are worth less or have less standing (nor is it the opposite of that). You are the means to bring forth the next generation of your in-law’s family, the children you will bear. You are also the crown that their princely son has chosen to wear, their new honor. You must not disdain yourself but elevate yourself. A married woman is worth more than can be counted, therefore, always hold yourself up to high standards. When you become a queen and realize your position and act accordingly, the world can do no less than respond accordingly. Before marriage, you are a princess, once you marry, you become a queen… a weak queen causes the kingdom to fail, especially if her husband is an equally weak king… learn chess:)
  3. Serve your husband generously, kindly, lovingly. He is your bread and butter, in this dunia and in the akhirah. Do not be stingy, do let him stand tall, give him honor and let him be the branches of your tree while you are the roots of his. A tree needs both roots and leaves. Without either, the tree perishes. Yet a small reminder I will whisper to you, strong roots will cause a tree that has been plucked of all of its branches and leaves, to continue to live and even thrive again. But a tree without roots will die out soon enough…. Consider well and act accordingly biidhniAllah. Remember that are you the door step and the gate keeper of your home. You are what people see first when they come to visit your home. Do not bring shame to your house and home, no lower the doorstep such that any riffraff can enter. Remember what advice Ibrahim alayhi salaam gave to Ismail alayhi salaam about his doorsteps. Don’t get replaced:)

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Why, oh Why

The other day, on my way home from picking up DS5yrs, I was walking with my friend and we passed by some empty lands and abandoned areas and bushes… And thinking about what happens in those and similar areas… I mentioned to her…

How sad that some girls allow some boys to take them to such places for ‘dates’ and to enact various intimate matters such as kissing and more… before marriage…

Living in Algeria, you don’t really see boys and girls holding hands, dating, etc… yet you know in does happen… Alhamdulillah it is hidden from sight for the most part… ALHAMDULILLAH

Anyway, so I was thinking along with her… These girls miskeena, they don’t value themselves AT ALL!!

Without a house, without a mahar, without the honor of family, without the walima and the beautiful dresses and the make up and the whole thing that goes with celebrating weddings… a girl will meet up with a boy, and let him feel her up, touch her goods, penetrate her as he pleases, in a dirty place, without the comfort of even a mattress or something…

You would think that all girls will stay away from such things… yet many more everyday are falling for the tricks of shaytan… despite how dirty and demeaning it is to them when examined properly…

So why would the girls demean themselves thusly? What is the draw?

To be honest, I’m not too sure but I think marrying early would help tremendously. Most of the time its because of rampaging hormones and curiosity to find out about ‘adult’ matters… So miskeena, the girl goes astray chasing security from the promises the guy gives and the guy goes astray chasing to satisfy his curiosity and calm his hormones…

It hurts me to see/know

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“The culprit doesn’t feel any shame, so how can I, the victim, feel embarrassment?” This should be the attitude when someone bullies you, don’t be afraid to enumerate their sins and seek reparations.

I feel this statement is comprehensive. It is an excellent attitude to have. When others wish to cause difficulties, then use their status to shame you so you cannot retaliate… Don’t let them get away. Allah IS watching, the Angels ARE recording, and Judgement Day IS real and WILL happen… So what have you to be ashamed off.

If you are not in the wrong, let it be known and stand for truth and justice and if you are in the wrong, face it head on by admitting your wrong and seek to fix the problem you have caused as best as you can.

When others wrong you, and then they seek to further put you down or to silence you, by appealing to your ’emotional’ side, wanting you to be too ashamed to report the abuse for example, or seek to trap you with a wrong you didn’t commit so they can make a gain… Don’t let it happen.

Too many women that I know off, let their men get away with wrong doing just because they are too embarrassed to seek consultation. They end up living in fear and sadness, this affects their feelings of self worth, and before you know it, they are timid women who seem helpless in just about any situation.

WHY?

We women should cherish ourselves. We are the handmaidens of Allah and no one is allowed to ‘stain’ us. Further, if they should ‘stain’, they should never hope to get away scotsfree.

I’ve said it before, cherish yourself because you are Allah’s precious creation and someone’s precious daughter. Love yourself and do not permit others to remove your self worth from you. Your honor is your malabis, if you dishonor yourself, no one else can honor you.

TBC

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Bismillah

I’ve been doing some reading and collecting some info and quotes and bits and pieces that can help us to be better women and better wives, and inshaAllah, help us to have successful marriage lives.

Now, what is a successful marriage? To me, it is none other than living comfortably with my spouse. Enjoying the good days, struggling through the difficulties, staying together, and being ourselves in front of each other. A successful marriage is one where the couple look only at each other, they take each other seriously, they stand by each other, they protect, honor, help and cherish each other through the thick and thin that comes with living.

Love is mercy and a loving marriage is merciful.

However, in order for the marriage to be loving, the people have to know love themselves and be able to show love to each other. In order to know love, you must first be able to love yourself, cherish yourself, honor yourself, help yourself, etc….

Most of us, for one reason or another, don’t know how to love, cherish, and honor ourselves… We don’t know how to put ourselves first, so we end up sacrificing ourselves for the sake of the advancement and success of our loved ones, only to find ourselves, in the later parts of our lives or in the deepest parts of our psyche or in the worst times of our lives, feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, un-something…

The question becomes, where did our confidence go? How did we get to the part where our sacrifices make us unhappy? How is it, that 20 years later, we are questioning how we lived our lives….

So… I collected some words I feel contain certain bits of wisdom that inshaAllah we can use to help us fix any issues we may have… and inshaAllah, pass on to the next generation to help them from the very beginning…

Here’s the first quote inshaAllah. It is neither the most important nor the most comprehensive, it just happens to be first on my list that’s all:)

“As a woman, you have to be good to yourself,  otherwise, are you not wasting the grace of your parents in raising you?”

I really, really like this opinion/thought/statement!

Our parents worked hard to raise us. They gave us love, they sacrificed, they did their best and then more… With the except of very few individuals in the world, most parents live for their children and go above and beyond to  ensure a good future for their progeny.

Yet when we grow up, we neglect ourselves and we become so individualistic and selfish, that we don’t take them into consideration when we are living our lives… They lived for us though it was not required, can’t we compromise and truly do our best as a thank you to them?

Though you may grow up to be a wife and/or a mother, I feel one should not forget that they were first a daughter of someone. Don’t neglect your own happiness. Don’t give up on yourself and certainly, don’t value others above yourself… You are at least equal to everyone else and with your sincere efforts, you can be better than them in the various efforts and struggles of living, with Allah’s permission (and obviously, not in a malicious way).

Therefore, cherish yourself, if not for yourself, then for the parents who did so much for you and as an example for your daughters/nieces…

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In Jannah, some will be able to see Allah every day/regularly and others only once in a while (supposedly weekly but there’s no time as we know it there so…either way, totally irrelevant to the point)…

So does one get to see Allah daily? By attaining those higher stations in Jannah, along with the prophets and such goodly companions…

So how what’s the difference between them and someone like me? Good deeds, high and strong and sustained awareness of Allah, purity of intentions, etc…

Of all the things, I think the Taqwa is the most comprehensive. From Taqwa, one will do good deeds and avoid bad ones, one will work on themselves to be a better Mu’min and Muhsin, one will strive with everything they have, because the Taqwa, that awareness of Allah and His Power and Majesty will be driving them….

So the more Taqwa you have, the more your soul is able to sustain those periods of awareness of the Lord, the better our relationship to Allah will be.

It should be good from now on, to ask Allah regularly, to expand our breast and open our souls to having more and better awareness to Him. When we ask for Taqwa, without this intention behind it, it is almost meaningless, but once we consciously think of Taqwa and how vast it can be, as well as vital to our success to earning us Allah’s Pleasure, then inshaAllah, we can be among those who will see Allah more regularly…

Allah says in Surah Nisa (I shake every time I remember that I’m actually memorizing this surah… how did I get here? Only bini’imatillah subhanallah) and those who obey Allah and the Rasul (salatu wa salaam), for them, they will be with those whom Allah has an’ama upon them, from the prophets, and the truthful, and the martyrs, and the saleheen, wa hasuna oulaika rafiqa.

To attain height is by Allah’s Permission, Grace and Blessing… Work diligently, consistently, humbly… Nothing beats true humbleness I think…

 

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